


Kept Promises

by emmea12



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-07 22:57:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13445172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmea12/pseuds/emmea12
Summary: After the Throne Room, as Rey is attempting to escape, she witnesses Hux's attempt to kill the unconscious Kylo Ren. Rey gives into the Darkness and moves to kill Hux. What will Kylo do when he finally gets what he wants?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> No longer a one shot. Thank you all so much for the feedback! Thanks for reading!

     All Rey saw when she opened her eyes was Kylo’s crumpled form on the ground of the throne room turned bloody graveyard. He was facing away from her own prostrate form, but she didn’t need to see his face to know that he was in extreme pain. She could sense it in him even now as he lay unconscious. It was as if she was feeling it too: the white hot pain of mental conflict. The sudden silence tore away at the mental walls he tried to create in vain to offer some protection from Snoke’s constant intrusions into his mind. With Snoke’s voice silenced, the call to the light was louder than ever. A ray of light and a shadow fought over his heart like a tug of war tearing him into bloody, broken pieces that resembled a man.  
     When Rey stood up slowly, she winced at the pain in her shoulder from where the guard had slashed her before she’d killed him. Her muscles were tight and her joints ached from the fight with the guards. The adrenaline must have shielded her from just how painful the battle had been. She’d have more bruises than she could count later and her there was a spike of pain in her head from where she had hit it on the ground after the explosion. She had fared better than most in the room though. There were dead guards strewn across the room like bloody reminders of what she had given away when she finally spilled blood. Pools of that blood steeped around the bodies as if it was trying to escape death. She’d done this damage. She and Kylo had killed them all without hesitation. She hadn’t even thought about what killing would do to her when she murdered these people. Why? Because _he_ had killed Snoke for _her_. Kylo, no, _Ben_ , had slaughtered the only master he ever felt like he had, in order to protect a girl he barely knew. Not only did he not know her; she was supposed to be his _enemy_. Yet he hadn’t batted an eye at cutting down Snoke with her lightsaber.  
     At least Rey would like to think it had been for her. Snoke might had called it correctly when he’d described the one Kylo was about to kill as being Kylo’s “true enemy” during Kylo’s deceit. It might have only been a means to an end: something Rey was looking far too much into. This might just have been the opportunity Kylo was waiting for. She ignored the tightening in her chest at the thought.  
     Rey walked to Kylo, and stared down at him. He was beautiful, she thought. Even with the scar that bisected his face and went down under his robes and over his chest. A lump in her throat rose when she remembered that it was she that had put it there. She had tried to kill him on Starkiller base. If the ground wouldn’t have split separating them, she would have. She hadn’t been in control of her own emotions that day. She had felt so much like _him_ then. The anger, fear, and hatred had coursed through her veins like a poison. She had no doubt that she would have ran him through like she had the guards just moments ago.  
     Ray felt the heat of the flames eating violently away at the long luxurious curtains that had turned this room in the belly of a spaceship into a foreboding helm of power for a illegitimate king. _Let it burn_ , she thought. She was astounded by how like _him_ she’d sounded.  
      _Let it die_. Kylo had practically begged her. He extended his hand for her to take, and Gods, did she want to. It would have been all too easy to take his hand and trust him, because a part of her did trust him. It was against her better judgement but she did. What would happen then was anyone’s guess. Would they rule the galaxy together-probably not. That’s not what she wanted, and she suspected that wasn’t really what he wanted either. That divergent part of her heart didn’t care what they did, as long as she was with him. As long as she was with _Ben_.  
     The rational part of her heart won out though. It looked down and instead of seeing the boy that so desperately needed saving, it saw Kylo Ren, patricidal murderer of countless, apprentice to the darkest evil she’d ever known, and enemy to her, the Resistance, and the Light. She found his lightsaber near him and silently clipped it onto his belt to appease her heart. After one last look at his face, and a small stroke of her hand over his messy, sweaty, bloody hair, she made a quick journey to the far side of the room where an escape pod sat.  
     The journey wasn’t fast enough though, because just as she was about to dart inside and make her escape, she saw the red headed general come hurriedly into the room. He didn’t see her. He only saw the halved body of his Supreme Leader laying half on the ground, half on the throne. As he gazed nauseatingly at the body of his ruler, the half of the body that had rest on the throne, fell to the ground with a sickening thump. The general winced and turned his gaze on the still unconscious Kylo Ren.  
    Rey could have made it. She could have gotten into the escape pod and been at least moderately safer than she was now in this room. She sensed something in the general that made her leaving impossible. She sensed opportunity in the general; blind happiness even. She watched from the back of the throne room as the man reached into his jacket and went to grab his blaster. Rey’s blood ran cold and she fought the darkness tooth and nail. This conflict in herself that Kylo, and Luke had seen, raged in her heart.  
     As if he had sensed the impending disloyalty, Kylo woke up and was on his feet in a second.  
     “What happened?” the general spat hurriedly as he removed his hand slowly from his jacket as to not draw attention to his mutinous intentions. Rey sensed a wave a panic rush over him like a tidal wave.  
     Before Kylo could answer him, the general was gasping for breath. It seemed like the one the general was so afraid of should have been the least of his worries. The true danger had been hiding.  
     “Did you intend to kill him?” Rey yelled over the sound of the flames. Her hand was outstretched and although she had never done this, she easily held the generals wind pipe in her grasp. The man fell to his knees, his hands went to his throat and his face turned the shade of his hair. His eyes darted to her and then to Kylo as if he expected Kylo to stop her attack. Kylo stood still and only stared in wonder at Rey’s approaching form.  
     Rey walked slowly and surely. She avoided the pools of blood and bodies without looking at the ground. She was graceful, and beautiful, and ruthless. Kylo felt the force flowing through her like an open tap. He felt something else too. Something so familiar to him and so foreign to her. She had given into the darkness. If not permanently, still so fiercely that it took his breath away.  
     “Not used to being the one being pried for information, are you, general?” Rey asked calmly. “Shall I torture you like you have others? I’ll ask one more time. Did you mean to kill him? Was his waking, inconvenient?”  
     Kylo’s eyes moved from her for a split second, just to look at the clearly dying General Hux.  
     “Y-yes,” Hux choked. Rey loosened her grip at his answer just enough to keep him alive but not enough to be comfortable. Kyle’s eyes widened at the admission. Rey’s method’s were crude, yes. If she had really wanted an answer she could have simply dove into his mind and plucked the answer out instead of going through this theatric. But maybe this wasn’t about answers. Maybe she was just as defenseless as he had been when Hux tried to kill him.  
     “He lay unguarded, unconscious, defenseless and you meant to kill him,” Rey yelled. The fire in her eyes raged like the inferno of Mustafar. The force came out of her in mighty waves that threatened to knock Kylo off of his feet. The room shook a little and Kylo knew it wasn’t the cannons that were killing off the Resistance one transport at a time doing it. It was this small girl. Rey was shaking this ship.  
     “Rey,” Kylo said gently, surprising even himself for intervening. This was certainly what he had wanted. Ever since he had met her. Ever since he had felt the force in her, he had wanted her with him. She was strong, maybe inherently stronger than he was. With training she could be unstoppable. They would be unstoppable.  
But as he saw his dreams come true in front of him, his heart ached. This girl wasn’t Rey. This was someone else. He instantly loathed himself for asking her to join him: to turn from the light that suited her spirit so well. He felt guilty for the corruption in front of her.  
     She shook from the anger inside her. Her skin glistened with sweat and her eyes were wild but resolute all the same.  
     “I will kill him, Kylo. If he wants blood so badly he can have his own,” she thundered. Tears welled in her eyes. Maybe some part of her was appalled by her own words. Maybe his Rey was still in there watching this new creature take control and crush the breath out of this abomination of a general.  
     The name “Kylo” coming from her mouth hit him like a brick to the chest.  
     “It’s Ben,” he said gently. He wanted so badly to take a step closer to her. He wanted to lower her hand and embrace her. He wanted to lead her back to the light, although he knew how preposterous that sounded. How could someone so shrouded in darkness lead someone to the light?  
     “What?” she asked like she didn’t understand. She broke her hateful gaze at the general and fixed her eyes on Kylo.  
     “My name is Ben,” he said with more confidence than he felt. “I am Ben Solo, and you are Rey.” His hands shook. “This isn’t you.”  
     Rey laughed but it sounded hollow. “Don’t you want it to be? Did you not just minutes ago, _beg_ me to join you in the darkness?” Her hate seemed to be focused on Ben now.  
     “Yes, that is what I wanted, but I was wrong,” he implored. Ben took a step towards her but she didn’t falter. Her grasp on Hux’s throat tightened. “I want you the way you are. I want Rey. The scavenger from the desert.”  
     “The lonely little girl whose own parents didn’t want her,” Rey laughed. “That’s who you want?”  
     These were the words that the darkness had whispered to her all those nights on Jakku as It attempted to seduce her to the dark side of a Force she didn’t even know she could harness yet. He reached into her mind and felt the anger, sadness and loneliness that was painfully familiar to him.  
     “I feel it too,” he whispered. He had said those words to her before, when he was trying to find a map. Gods, how long ago was that? It felt like years. “Do you remember when I told you that you aren’t alone?” He waited for her to answer him.  
     “Yes,” she said less assured of herself. The hubris of the darkness was waning.  
     Ben nodded. “I told you that you weren’t alone. You said I wasn’t alone either. Let’s keep those promises.”  
     Ben took his glove off and dropped it to the floor. The armor he had created for himself wasn’t important now. He wanted to be bare with her. He wanted to be truthful. He reached his bare hand out for her to take. “I will go with you.” He whispered. “I will leave the First Order and go with you wherever you want to go. Just don’t go this way.” His eyes bore into her’s. He pleaded with her. He prayed that this wouldn't end like it had just before the lightsaber had blown apart. He was offering something else to her now. He was offering himself without the title, without the First Order, and without the demand that she join him.  
     Ben felt it the moment Rey ripped away from the darkness. It was like a switch had been flipped. All of a sudden Hux was on the ground gasping for breath and Rey had not taken just Ben’s outstretched hand but had flown into his chest to embrace him. Ben wrapped his arms around her tightly and buried his nose into her hair.  
     “I’m sorry,” he whispered. He had made this happen. He may not have created the conflict in her heart but he had stoked it. He wondered where they would go. He fully intended to keep his promise. He knew she would want to go the Resistance. He dreaded facing his mother. He dreaded facing everything he’d done. Most likely the Resistance would kill him, because as much as Rey liked to think the Resistance was good and just, they killed just like the First Order did. They just did it with better marketing.  
     “They wouldn’t dare,” Rey whispered. She’d heard his maelstrom of thoughts. She was worried too, but she had faith in the people she loved. With time they’d see him the way she saw him. She also worried about the Darkness that she knew hadn’t just disappeared from Ben. He had struggled with it for his entire life, and having given into it for so long, what would the aftermath look like? What pain and struggles would he face? Was she being selfish for taking him up on his offer? Was she only going to cause him more pain than the tortured man had already been through. He was saving her from the Darkness, could she save him from it too?  
     “Yes,” Ben breathed. Clearly they could have no secrets from each other anymore.  
     “You two aren’t going anywhere,” Hux said as loud as he could after such a trauma to his larynx. No sooner had he said the words did he fall into a unconscious heap.  
     Ben looked down at Rey and smiled. “I usually just throw him,” he half joked.  
     Rey shrugged and pulled away from him. She took one last look at the two halves of Snoke’s body and shuddered. “Let’s go home,” she said and pulled him towards the escape pod. 


	2. Chapter 2

     The escape craft was more luxurious than any other transport that Rey had ever been in. The seats were soft black velvet and the controls were shining chrome with bright red buttons that almost looked more like decoration rather than necessary instruments to guide the ship. There were no harsh sounding alarms or smoke billowing from the floor as an essential piece of equipment went out for the hundredth time like the _Falcon_. This ship was cold and empty and sharp. Rey _hated_ this ship. It felt too much like Snoke. A creature so hideous it should have worn Kylo Ren’s ridiculous mask. Just like the garish gold robe the beast had worn, this ship was built for the sheer purpose of looking grand. There was no _purpose_ to the elegance. It was all a show of absolute power. People might be starving to death in the bowels of an abandoned AT-AT on Jakku, but they could be sure that their Supreme Leader was in the lap of luxury at all times. This ship was the opulent counter to The Falcon’s worn and cracked leather seats, mismatched hardware, and constant near catastrophic system failures.The Falcon was homey, and warm. It smelled a little like burning oil, dirt, and wet fur, but it was far dearer to Rey’s heart than this show of extreme excess. 

     Rey and Ben were seated opposite each other in the small ship meant for Snoke and maybe one other trusted person. Rey had put in the coordinates to Crait but other than that, steering was limited without the use of the Force. Rey was far too tired for that, so she let the craft steer itself around the debris of the destroyed Resistance cruiser, and towards the mineral planet in front of them. 

     Rey still felt jumpy from the residual darkness flowing through her veins. Her muscles cramped just under her skin and her leg bounced up and down nervously. It was like she had too much energy building up in her body. She felt like she wanted to punch something. To _destroy_ something with her bare hands. Anything to get this energy out. 

     Ben’s eyes darted to her hands every once in a while. He knew how she was feeling. He wanted so badly to reach over and grab her hand to stop them from shaking. He chose instead of touching her to instead lay a blanket of calm over her with the force. He wanted to calm her down somehow. He was afraid that if he touched her, his thoughts would be shown to her and that would do nothing to calm her. He was panicked, but she didn’t need to know that. The moment he pushed the calm onto her, her eyes looked up from her lap and she gazed at him. 

     “I’m fine,” she said calmly. It was strange to hear those words come so calmly from the visage in front of him. She was dirty, bloody, and obviously exhausted both physically and mentally. To be truthful, he didn’t know if she was using the force to keep herself functional. She probably wasn’t even aware that she was doing it. 

     “No, you aren’t,” Ben stated gently. “I can feel it.” His eyes softened. “Please tell me what you’re thinking.” 

     “Why don’t you just read my mind?” she asked. “You can.” Her voice was quieter then. She was too exhausted to fight with him. Her heart jolted in her chest. She wanted to scream at him, she wanted to sob into his chest, she wanted to kiss him. Her emotions shifted from one extreme to the other, and back again so quickly that it made her dizzy. Her chest tightened and tear welled in her eyes. What was happening to her? 

     “I’m not going to do that,” Ben said quietly. He was nervous. He was accustomed to feeling the way she was feeling now, but he had no advice to give her. His way of dealing with his emotions wasn’t healthy or practical. “I won’t force you to tell me what you are thinking.” He glanced out the window and saw the ship break the atmosphere of the planet the Resistance had escaped to from the First Order. Right before he and Rey had gotten into he escape pod, Ben had called off the attack on the Resistance and ordered the First Order to abandon the hunt of the Resistance and continue to the Core while Ben still had some authority over the First Order. Anything to buy them some time to land on Crait, warn the Resistance that the First Order knew where they were, and get off planet as quickly as possible. Hux would only be unconscious for so long. Soon he would be awake and _vengeful._ Then Kylo Ren would be nothing more than Ben Solo: Traitor to the First Order and public enemy number one. 

_“_ I’m sorry,” Rey said. “I don’t feel like myself,” she almost cried. “I feel sick.” She leaned forward in her seat and ran her hands over her face. She breathed deeply and pushed her emotions down until they were buried. 

_I killed those guards. I murdered them. I tried to kill that General. He may have been horrible but he was still a person. I felt his breath leave his body. I wanted him to die._ She shook her head as if she was shaking the thoughts from her mind. 

     It didn’t help that Ben’s emotions were barreling into her with every breath. Rey could feel his panic. Usually he was just angry or sad or a volatile mixture of both. This was more powerful than both, but to his credit, if you couldn’t feel his emotions, you wouldn’t know he was feeling anything at all. His back was rigid and his hands were clasped in his lap. He looked more like he was sitting in an uncomfortable chair rather than running through all of the ways this could go very wrong. 

     “We should let the Resistance know that we’re coming. I’m sure Chewy has met up with them by now,” Rey leaned over to the communicator and tuned it to the Falcon’s unique frequency. When they left on the escape pod, Rey had contacted Chewy and told him to get down to Crait as soon as possible. The Resistance would need the Falcon and his help. She left out the part that his best friend’s disgraced son was sitting next to her. 

     “Chewy? Come in Chewy,” Rey said over the communicator. Seconds later, Chewy’s voice growled over the speaker. “Yes, I’m fine Chewy. Have you met up with the Resistance yet?” More Shyriiwook threatened to bust the speaker. “Chewy, I need to speak to Leia.” She needed to warn Leia. She needed Leia to prepare the rest of the Resistance. 

     Ben sat up in his chair, clear alarm came over his face. “Rey,” he began quickly. _My mother is dead._ He almost yelled at her. He had almost forgotten she wouldn’t have known that yet. It was going to break her heart. He could feel Rey’s fast affection for the woman just in the way Rey said his mother’s name. 

     He was going to continue but the sound of his mother’s voice stopped him. “Rey?” Leia’s voice asked. “Where are you, Rey? Are you ok? ” 

     “We’re on an escape pod. We just cleared the atmosphere.” Her fingers played with the beacon on her wrist. It pulled towards it’s twin on Leia’s wrist. There was a wary pause on Leia’s end. “We’re fine though. Listen, we need to prepare to get everyone off of Crait. The First Order will be coming soon.” 

     “Who is ‘we’, Rey?” Leia almost whispered. When she didn’t hear an answer she asked again, this time more forcefully. “Who is ‘we?” 

     Ben stared at the communicator like it was a snake ready to strike him. “She’s supposed to be dead,” Ben said quietly. “I felt her die.”Confusion, guilt, and remorse sank into his bones all at once. He felt like he was going to vomit. 

     Rey stared at him in confusion. She didn’t understand his words or his feelings. “I’m with Ben.”She said quietly. She didn’t look away from Ben’s face as she answered his mother over the communicator. 

     For a moment, Rey thought that the communicator had gone dead. “Are you bringing him here?” Leia’s voice wavered when she finally answered Rey’s statement. 

     “We’re coming, yes,” Rey stated. Moment’s later the com clicked off, signaling that Leia had switched it off from her end. “Leia?” Rey called. Her forehead creased with worry. 

     Rey ran her hand through her hair and her eyes fell onto Ben. He was sitting on the edge of his seat, frightened. 

     “What do you mean that she was supposed to be dead?” Rey asked. She was unsure she wanted to know what he meant. 

     Ben took a breath and met her eyes for the first time since they’d made contact with Leia. “I was upset,” he started. Practically every story he told should start with those words. Redness rose in his cheeks with every second that passed. “We had tracked the Resistance fleet through hyperspace. Don’t ask, it’s too complicated to explain,” he preempted Rey’s question before she could ask it. He shook his head and continued. “I led a squad to attack the fleet. I was there. I lined up my shot, and I could have hit the bridge. It would have been a direct hit. It would have been the killing blow to the Resistance leadership. But I felt her.” He said quietly. “She was closer than she’d been in years. I could have docked my ship and walked to her. I could practically see her standing there. I knew she could feel me. It was like a standoff. I couldn’t pull the trigger. I didn’t even know if I wanted to.” He closed his eyes for just a second remembering the pain of making the decision whether or not to listen to his heart or listen to Snokes voice in his head demanding his mother’s blood. “But I didn’t have to chose. Two Tie Fighters came around my flank and did it for me. I felt her die, Rey. How is she alive? How did you just talk to her?” It was his hand’s turn to shake. His shoulders slumped and his head dipped a little. 

    Rey shook her head. “I don’t know,” she said with a little smile. “Does it matter? She’s alive.” 

    Rey didn’t know how to comfort another person. On Jakku there was no one to comfort her when the nights got cold, or when she was sick, or so lonely she cried herself to sleep. There certainly hadn’t been anyone for her to comfort there. She had been utterly alone. She couldn’t even imagine what would make his turbulent mind rest for a while. Instinct led her to reach her hands to his and fold her two small hands around his large one. To her surprise, he didn’t jerk away from her. He squeezed her hands and leaned his head into her shoulder.

    Rey’s breath hitched. This was the closest she’d ever been to anyone besides the few hugs from Finn and Leia. It didn’t feel as strange as those hugs had felt. Maybe she was getting used to human contact. “This isn’t going to be as easy as you think.” Ben whispered. He imagined Leia setting up the firing squad now, ready to end his life as soon as the ship landed. He certainly deserved it. 

     “I never thought that it was going to be easy,” Rey corrected him. 

     “Still,” Ben chuckled. “It’s going to be even harder than that.” He reached onto his belt and took his lightsaber from where it hung at his side. He pressed it into her hands without removing his head from Rey’s shoulder. “You’re going to need this,” Ben explained. “Keep it safe for me.” 

     “Why will I need it?” Rey asked, bewildered why she’d need a weapon in the presence of her friends. 

     Ben chuckled ruefully. “I have a much better chance of coming off of this ship alive if I’m unarmed. If they see me with that, I have no chance.” His fingertips lingered on the crude metal of the lightsaber he had created without the help of his uncle. It was a rite of passage, to construct your own weapon as a Jedi. He’d done it under the cruel tutelage of Snoke, who’d been less than helpful. Snoke opted for the figure-it-out-yourself approach. Every burn Ben had received while building his unstable beast of a saber had been ridiculed by Snoke and made worse a thousand fold with the Force. Snoke taught with fear, and agony. Every scar on Ben had been hard earned by the boy and felt more than any person ought to have. 

     “Ok,” Rey choked. She squeezed her eyes shut at the realization that it was her fault he might be dead in minutes. If she had been stronger, she would have left without him and he’d be alive and well. 

     Ben didn’t bother correcting her. She would only reject the truth that he’d done this because he had to. He had to save her in order to save himself. It had hurt too much to see her choking the life out of Hux. He needed her to be pure and beautiful and good. Anything else would hack his heart into pieces. 

     The ship landed with Ben and Rey sitting like that in silence. Ben’s forehead resting on Rey’s shoulder and one of Rey’s hands in his hair, the other one holding his lightsaber. When they felt the landing gear hit solid ground, Ben sat up slowly; reluctantly. 

     “Time to go,” he said with a forced smile. 

     “I won’t let anything happen to you,” she whispered. “I promised you.” 

     Ben smiled sadly. “Ok,” he said and nodded. 

     He stood up and gestured for her to walk in front of him instead of side by side. He wanted to hold her hand as they walked out to his biggest nightmare. That only would condemn Rey even more than his presence had if they decided just to kill him. No–they had to play this safe and slow. 

     When Ben walked down the bridge to the ground, he almost ran into Rey. She was stopped, dead in her tracks with her hands held up. It took him only a second to see what had alarmed her. 

     Every single resistance member that escaped stood in front of the ship. Every single one of them had a blaster aimed directly at the pair. 

 

 


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!

     General Leia stood in the middle of the pitiful remainder of the Resistance. Loss swept over her in great swaths. The Resistance had nothing but grieving people she had no way of feeding and pilots with nothing to actually fly. They had nothing to defend themselves besides these blasters that they aimed at her son and a girl she had quickly grown extremely fond of. 

     Leia’s strength was waning quickly. This planet wasn’t particularly cold but she was freezing. Her coat shielded her face from the wind that swept dirt and salt onto everything it touched. She remembered this planet from her younger more vibrant days. She’d hated it even then. 

     Rey stood frozen at the entrance of the ship with her hands raised at head level. One of her hands clutched the hilt of a dark lightsaber. The girl looked terrified, and Leia swallowed her guilt quickly. Rey looked terrible. She was dirty, bloody, and looked exhausted. Leia fought the urge to drop her gun and pull the girl to her. 

     The dark figure behind Rey was the only thing that stopped Leia from doing just that. No longer a boy, and really, no longer her son, Kylo Ren stood behind Rey with his hands at his sides. He was exhibiting more patience and calmness than he ever had as a child. 

     “Mother.” Ben’s voice boomed across the scene like a knife slashing through flesh. Leia saw from the corner of her eye, a few Resistance members glanced nervously towards her. She fought hard not to flinch away from the unfamiliar bass in her son’s voice. 

     “Kylo Ren,” Leia answered with forced calmness. It would do nothing for their situation for him to know how frightened she was. She was very aware that he could kill them all in an instant. The raw power was there, and his cruelness, well, the murder of his father was all she needed to know of the unparalleled cruelty her son possessed. “Why are you here?” She asked cooly. “Why are you unarmed?” 

     “Rey, is he your prisoner?” The traitor Ben knew as FN-2187 but also knew that he went by Finn now, asked hopefully. 

     Ben’s mouth turned up into a small smirk at the thought of Rey imprisoning _him_. The thought was laughable.  Ben knew the Resistance like he knew the First Order. There was only black and white with them. Only Good and Evil. The thought that Rey and Ben might have come to a compromise hadn’t even entered the Resistance’s minds. There were two options, either Rey had captured the great Kylo Ren in a uncharacteristic showing of focus and training or she had gone dark side and they were there to kill her. 

     The thought, that his mother believed that the concept that Rey had gone over to the dark side was much more likely than Kylo coming back to the light broke his heart a little. He pushed the feeling aside. 

     “No,” Rey said with a shaking voice. “He’s come with me to-“ she stopped for a moment because Rey realized that she didn’t really know what Ben had come with her to do. Had he come to join the Resistance or just her? Was he just here to fulfill a promise or was he going to let them save each other. 

     Ben stepped around Rey and stood in front of her. This was the moment. He was finally going to say the words that he’d never thought he would say. He pushed the nervousness down as far as he could. There was no taking this back once the words left him. He took a deep, centering breath. “I’ve defected from the First Order. I’m here to join the Resistance,” he said calmly.

     “That’s bullshit,” a man Ben remembered torturing, Poe Dameron, spat like he was spitting poison from his mouth. Poe’s eyes were hard and unforgiving. Finn and the rest of the Resistance looked just as skeptical and continued to aim their blasters at him, unwavering. 

     “Forgive me if I don’t believe you,” Leia said with a little laugh. “I’ve never really known you to be a quitter.” 

     “Or is that all you’ve known me for, mother? Quitting the Light, quitting our family, quitting being Ben Solo. This time, however, I’m afraid quitting the First Order is irreparable. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t go back.” Ben said. He stared at his mother, trying to project his honesty for her to feel. All he succeeded in doing was feeling her. She was exhausted, weak, and sick. It seemed she did not escape the First Order attack unscathed. 

     At this, Leia looked intrigued. “And why is that?” she asked. “What did you do?” Even as Ben felt Leia relax just a hair, Leia still held a blaster up to him steadily. She was afraid of his response. What could he have done to turn the First Order against him?

     “I killed Snoke,” Ben said slowly. Leia visibly both recoiled at the name of the man who stole her son from her, and arched her eyebrows at the prospect that the Resistance’s number one enemy had been killed by it’s second Most Wanted. 

     “How the hell did you do that?” Poe asked incredulously. “I don’t think even you’re that powerful.” His blaster was pointed straight at Ben, and Ben could sense that the man would shoot him quickly and without hesitation if he gave him the slightest provocation. 

     “Hey!” Rey cried towards the pilot. She looked towards Finn, who looked like he was going to be sick. “Please, Finn. You have to trust me. You have to trust him.” 

     “You,” Finn said and pointed up at her, “I trust. I will never trust him.” He nodded towards Ben and sneered. “Never.” 

     “Fine then,” Ben shouted. “You don’t have to trust me. I understand, I really do. But the point is, I had to knock Hux out so that we could escape. I ordered the fleet to go towards the Core to buy us some time, but by now Hux is probably awake and barreling towards us. We need to leave. Now.” They were wasting too much time with this reunion and interrogation. There would be time later for this. They needed to get off this planet immediately.

     “And go where? Our fleet is gone and our transports have little fuel left. We have no provisions, few weapons and no where to go,” Poe said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

     Ben just leveled a look at his mother, knowing exactly what she was thinking. “The Falcon,” they said in tandem. Once more, that piece of garbage would save this family and the Resistance. 

     “We’re restraining you,” Leia said quickly to Ben. She held up a finger to stop him from protesting. “You are to be detained in one of the cargo holds until we get to somewhere with proper cells. One toe out of line and I’m letting Mr. Dameron kill you. Is that understood.” Leia stared at Ben hard until he nodded. 

     As Rey saw Ben nod, that rage that Rey had pushed down this entire meeting fired up again. 

     “Absolutely not,” Rey thundered. “He is not some prisoner. _He saved my life_.” Her fists were balled up at her waist. 

     “Rey,” Ben said soothingly, but it was in vain. She was slipping again quickly. He could sense the darkness creeping up in her again. “You need to calm down,” he whispered. The ship behind them started to rock, and the ground rumbled in time with her rage.

     “What the hell is going on?” Poe yelled in confusion. 

     “Rey!” Ben yelled, trying to get through to her. When she ignored his yelling, Ben brought his hand up to her head, used the Force to knock her out and caught her gracefully. He thought back Takodana where he’d done the same thing with very different intentions. 

     “Hey!” Finn yelled, and stormed up to the ship. “What the hell do you think you are doing?” He thundered. 

     “You have no idea what’s going on here,” Ben warned stonily. He stared at Finn stonily. Every fiber of his being wanted to throw Finn across the planet, but the part of him that understood that that wouldn’t be productive and surely wouldn’t foster any good will with the people who would probably much rather just kill him now and leave his body for the First Order to find. 

     “Give Rey to Finn, and someone please put restraints on Kylo Ren,” Leia turned to two fearful looking men and gestured for them to follow her orders to put the now, most feared man in the galaxy in restraints that no one, including Leia, thought would actually keep Ben from doing anything. She looked at Poe and Chewy, who had been standing behind the group watching heatedly, and pointed off into the direction of the Falcon. “Get the Falcon ready. Everyone else, we leave in ten. Get anything in the base that we can use and load it onto the Falcon.” She put her hand on her head after everyone had started moving. She thought she may fall over any minute. 

     Leia looked back at the extravagant ship and watched the two Resistance members gingerly put restraints on Ben’s wrists. He let them and was even, dare she say, obedient to their orders. It pulled on her heart to see her son shackled. It was different when he’d just disappeared. She didn’t have to see his downward spiral. She’d sent him away to slowly lose his heart to the darkness. Luke had come to her with his heart in his hands and told her of the massacre and Ben’s betrayal. She’d spent days in bed crying at the loss of her son. With him back, among _her_ people and being treated like a prisoner, her heart fell apart. 

     Ben met her eyes as he was led down the bridge going to the ground. They were soft and almost apologetic. She used her very small amount of training to open her mind to what he was probably trying to show her. Instantly, his voice filled her mind. “ _I promise, and I know that means nothing, but I promise, I am here for her. She needs me. And frankly, I need her.”_

     As he walked away from her, Leia watched his feet disrupt the layer of salt that covered the entirety of this planet. The red dirt against the white of the salt made it look like the ground was bleeding. Salt rubbing into an open wound: just like how she felt now.—————————————————————————————————————————————

      Rey woke up in the Falcon and immediately threw up. Finn, saw the look in her eyes the second she woke up and grabbed a rusty bucket sitting next to the box he was sitting on. “Hey, you’re okay,” he said with so much love in his voice that it hurt Rey’s heart. “Hey,” he said again and pulled her into a hug. Small sobs racked her body dramatically, so much so that Finn contemplated calling for someone to check her medically. As a stormtrooper, emotion was not something that was encouraged or even understood: only obedience. “Shh,” he said instinctively. He patted the back of her head soothingly. 

     After a few minutes of crying into Finn’s dirty shirt, Rey pulled away and wiped her eyes. “Where’s Ben?” she asked quietly. She looked around the room and saw that she was in a corner of a near empty cargo hold. 

     “Is that what you’re calling him now?” Finn asked. He was trying very hard to keep the shock out of his voice. 

     “That’s his name,” Rey said quietly. She sat up and held her throbbing head. “I need to see him.” Her head felt like it was splitting. 

     Finn stood up and walked away from the cot Rey was laying on. “What did he do to you?” He asked angrily when he spun back around to look at her.

     “Nothing,” she sighed. “He saved my life. He killed Snoke to save my life.” She wanted to go on and tell him how Ben had pulled her from the darkness, twice. But she was well aware that Finn just wouldn’t understand. He’d hate her, and more importantly, he’d be terrified of her. 

     “You don’t owe him anything,” Finn implored. He rushed towards her and sat next to her on the cot. “You don’t. You would never have been in the position if he hadn’t put you in it.” 

     Rey laughed, because he really didn’t’ know anything. “No,” Rey said as she shook her head. “I went to _him.”_ She raked her hands over her face and watched Finn’s face fall.

     “What are you talking about, Rey?” Finn’s eyes were slits. “What do you mean you went to him?” 

     Rey shrugged her shoulders. “I had a vision. I saw our future. I knew that if I went to him, it would all be better. _He_ could be better. So I had Chewy drop me off at the First Order and leave me there. Ben _saved_ me, Finn.” She grabbed his hand and almost pleaded with him. “I have to save him. _”_

     “Our future? Our, as in Kylo Ren and you?” Finn took one of his hands and cupped the side of her head with it. “Save him from what, Rey? He’s brain washing you. I know because it happened to me. He doesn’t care about you, Rey. This is a part of some plan he has. He’s _using_ you. Can’t you see that. He’s evil, Rey. He uses the Dark side of the Force.” 

     “Then so am I,” Rey thundered. She got up and started for the door of the cargo hold. 

     “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Finn asked loudly. He got up and rushed after her. 

     “I used the dark side of the Force. I gave myself to it unwittingly, but still, I did. He saved me and a _traitor_ tried to kill him.” She was shaking again. Just _shaking_ with anger. The ship started to tremble again. 

     Somewhere in another cargo hold Ben looked up from his hands in alarm. He sensed her anger. She was _pissed._

_“Rey,”_ he tested the bond that Snoke said he had created. “ _Rey.”_

_“Ben?”_ Rey’s voice was small and angry.

_“You need to calm down. You need to resist it, Rey. Please,” Ben_ begged her. He looked up to the guard that was stationed in the cargo hold with him. “Hey,” Ben called out. The guard suddenly looked terrified. “I have to see Rey,” Ben begged.

_“I’m trying,” Rey_ cried. 

     “You are not to leave this cargo hold. General’s orders,” the guard said. 

     Ben shook his head. “You don’t understand. I need to see Rey right now.” He tried to get up but the guard was faster. 

     “I’ve been given orders to stun you if you don’t cooperate, so I’m going to say it again. You cannot leave.” The guard looked a little confused about whether he should be more afraid of Ben or that the ship that was shaking. 

      “Please,” Ben begged louder. He used the Force and snapped the restraints in two. 

     The guard shot him with the blaster right in the chest. Right before Ben fell unconscious, he felt the ship stop shaking. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, feedback is appreciated!


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!

     “You should have seen it, Rose,” Finn lamented into his friend’s shoulder. “She was so scared. It was terrible.” Finn couldn’t forget the wild look in Rey’s eyes as the ship was shaking during their voyage to nowhere in particular. 

     After the shaking had stopped, the Resistance went on full alert. System checks, shield checks, and C3PO’s very astute observation that there was no First Order ship looming, had made it crystal clear that the shaking had not been caused by anything outside of the ship, nor the ship itself. So, it had to have been something inside of the ship. Finn asked a medical droid to sedate Rey for a little while until he could figure out a way to help her. He hoped that she was just tired and frightened.

     “Why did he shake the ship?” Rose asked tentatively. She led Finn to sit down on a bench and took his hand into her own. 

     Finn shook his head. “Who knows?” he said. “Trying to kill the Resistance maybe?” 

     Rose squinted her eyes in confusion. “And in the process, killing himself?” Rose had not know Finn for that long, relatively speaking. They had met under far from normal circumstances and had gone on an adventure that frankly, both were more than lucky to come out of alive. Still, she knew very little about the man in front of her. What she did know was that when he was stressed, or frightened, he didn’t always think things through. He needed some coaxing to come to a reasonable solution.

     “I don’t know, Rose. Leia used the Force to save herself after the First Order attack. If she can do it, surely Kylo Ren can too.” He rubbed his hand over his face and sighed. “That’s what is so dangerous about him. There is no telling what he can do.” 

     The door to the room on the Falcon Finn and Rose were occupying open suddenly. In came Poe, Leia and a small number of remaining Resistance members. “We’d wondered where you two had gone off to,” Leia said with a smile. Poe took a moment to raise his eyebrows towards Finn in a suggestive manner before scrambling around Leia to pull up something for the clearly ailing woman to sit on. He tried to help her lower herself onto the box but the if looks could kill, Leia’s look would have surely killed Poe right then. 

     The room was far too small for the five people in the room. It was small, very dirty, and was piled high with boxes of useless garbage Han had probably thought he could sell for a quick profit. Not many people could sit, so they stood around the boxes awkwardly.

     “I know that this isn’t the ideal meeting place, but it’s all we have at the moment. The need for discretion is dire. We clearly have a situation,” Leia said plainly.

     “I’d say it’s a lot more than a situation, General,” Poe corrected her. He had moved to lean against the wall across from Leia. He was close enough to spring to action if she needed him, but far enough away to keep her from feeling smothered. The woman could have a temper when she felt like anyone was treating her with kid gloves. 

     “Mr. Dameron,” Leia warned warmly. She met his eyes and silently begged him to behave. They all needed to come to some sort of understanding, and make a decision; and they needed to do it quickly. Positing opinions based almost primarily on personal trauma was going to do very little good to the group as a whole. 

     Poe nodded with contrition and looked at his feet waiting for her to continue. 

     “The events of an hour ago are troubling,” Leia began cautiously. She looked at Poe who nodded stiffly, and then to Finn who again, looked like he was going to throw up from nerves. “We need to figure out what we should do about Kylo Ren.” 

     The room’s temperature seemed to drop at the mention of the man who lay unconscious across the ship. 

     “Open the airlock in that cargo hold and give him back to the First Order to find floating in space.” Finn said icily. Rose eyed him and he withered. 

     “People,” Leia said with so much exhaustion in her voice it pained them all to hear it, “this isn’t helping. We need real solutions here.” 

     “There are only a few options that I can think of,” Poe said with a false calm. He pushed himself off of the wall and began pacing a few steps back in forth. His pacing made the room feel even smaller. “We kill him, which it seems isn’t an option.” He looked to Leia who semi–reluctantly nodded in confirmation. “Ok, option two. We land on some planet, force him out and leave him there. That gets him out of our hair and doesn’t kill him.” His eyes fell on Leia again and she seemed more receptive to that option. Poe had to remind himself that this wasn’t any war criminal. This husk of a man was once Leia’s son. “Or, we take him to Luke.” Poe said finally.

     “What would taking him to Luke do?” Finn asked with bewilderment. The man had essentially refused to help them. He was broken by Kylo Ren’s betrayal. What good would possibly come from putting them on the same planet together? The only thing that would come out of that would be chaos. 

     “I don’t know of anyone else in this galaxy that could control him,” Poe stated with a shrug.

     “What about Rey?” someone from the back of the room piped in hesitantly. The Resistance, like all small groups of people who spent _way_ to much time together, was not immune to gossip. The question of _What good is it to have a Jedi that couldn’t actually do much,_ had been asked among the group quite a bit since Rey had left for Ahch-To. 

     “Rey can’t control Kylo Ren,” Poe laughed. “We don’t actually know what Rey can do at all. I don’t want to end up getting murdered in my sleep because we gave the job of guarding the most dangerous man in galaxy to a little girl who can move some shit with her mind . I’m sorry, but it’s not happening.” Poe looked sympathetically at Finn, who was possibly, besides BB-8, his best friend. 

     “She saved my life on Starkiller base. She almost killed Kylo Ren in battle even though she’d never fought with a lightsaber before. What more proof do you need?” Finn asked a little more loudly than he had meant to. Rose leaned over and squeezed Finn’s hand. The topic of Rey did this to the once Stormtrooper. Rey was the second friend he’d ever had and now his first friend was doubting her. 

     “Buddy, I know that she’s your friend, but we can’t risk everyone’s lives because of that,” Poe said gently.

     “Stop,” Leia barked at the bickering group. “Stop, now.” She got to her feet and wobbled just a little. A quick, halting look stopped Poe from rushing to help her. “We need Luke.” Leia said simply. “He can help us figure out what to do with Kylo and can train Rey.” 

     “I thought that Chewy said that Luke didn’t want to get involved again?” Poe asked Leia. 

     “He’s never been particularly good at denying me anything. We’re going to Ahch-To.”

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

     Rose couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to this story then a poor helpless girl that was being manipulated by the mean evil man. That was bullshit. Still, she was left now on her own with nothing really to do until something inevitably broke in the old bowels of the Falcon. She’d already been called on twice to fix something that had been practically held together previously with chewed gum and tape. 

     She got some rations together and made the long walk to where Rey was resting. Rose had thought it strange when Leia had told Finn to place her in a cargo hold that was pretty far away from everyone else. She wasn’t their enemy, Kylo was. She’d realized then that Leia was trying to keep Rey and Kylo as far away as possible from each other. 

     Rose knocked on the door tentatively. “Rey?” she said softly through the door. When she didn’t hear anything, she let herself in. Rey was laying on a cot pushed into the corner of the room and was shivering. “Hey,” Rose said worriedly. She set the rations down next to the cot and picked up a blanket that had been kicked to the ground. 

     Rey’s eyes were open, but tired and sad. “I brought you something to eat. It’s not great, but it’s something. You need to eat.” Rose helped the young Jedi into a sitting position and dropped the blanket over her shoulders. “There you go. Isn’t that so much better.” She pulled the box that Finn had been sitting on earlier up to the edge of the cot, sat down and began pulling apart the plastic that kept the rations sealed. “Here you go,” she said soothingly. 

     Rey took the piece that Rose had given to her and stuck in into her mouth to chew slowly. 

     “My name is Rose,” Rose said kindly. “I’m a friend of Finn’s.” Rey’s eyes lit up a little at the sound of her friends name. 

     “What happened?” Rey asked. She put her hand up to her head and rubbed. It still hurt and it felt as if she was underwater. 

     “You were upset,” Rose said calmly. “Finn asked a medical droid to give you a sedative. You needed your rest.” Rose handed her another piece of ration, which Rey took. Rey hadn’t realized how hungry she was until she had begun to eat. 

     “I remember,” Rey said lowly. “Can I see Ben?” she asked even though she knew the answer.

     “Finn told me you asked to see Kylo before you got so upset. Why do you want to see him so badly. He’s so evil.” Rose wondered. She watched Rey’s back straighten uncomfortably. 

     “I just need to see him. I need to talk to him.” Rey didn’t offer any more explanation than that. It wasn’t important to anyone else that she just needed to be near him. The Resistance, her friends, would never understand. Really, she didn’t understand it herself. How did she go from hating the ground he walked on to needing to breathe the same air he breathed in such a short amount of time. She blamed the darkness for this insanity. 

     “I don’t know,” Rey admitted. “I just feel better when I’m around him. Not so out of control. It’s a Force thing.” She shook her head and pulled the blanket tighter around herself. Space was cold in general, and cargo hold’s didn’t usually have heating. This coldness that had latched itself to her was something else though. It was excessive.

     “I see,” Rose said slowly, though she didn’t really. No good would come out of questioning Rey about it further. “You want to talk about what happened with the First Order? Were you there when Kylo Ren killed Snoke?” 

     Rey stared off into the cargo hold at nothing. It was as if she was lost in her own thoughts. “Yes, I was there,” she said quietly. 

     Rose waited for more, but when it became clear that she didn’t want to talk about it, Rose gave up. “Ok, well, I’m going to let you rest. If you need something, anything at all, come find me.”Rose went to walk towards the door but stopped when she heard Rey speak.

     “Rose,” Rey said to stop her.

     “Yeah?” Rose said gently. She turned back around to look at Rey who still sat in the middle of her cot. 

     “What did Finn tell you about our conversation earlier?” Rey could barely look at Rose in the eye. Her hands shook a little from the cold, and Rose mentally noted that she needed to send someone down here with a couple more blankets for the obviously sick girl. 

     “He said that you woke up and were upset that Kylo knocked you out. He pushed you too far for answers about what happened with the First Order and worked yourself up into a frenzy. When Kylo made the ship start to shake, you became inconsolable. That’s when he had to make sure you got a sedative.” Rose didn’t know if she believed that side of the story. She had never known Finn to lie to her, but this was Rey. Who knows what he was capable of doing to keep Rey safe. 

     “Ok,” Rey said with a smile that had agony written all over it. “Do you think there is a chance that I could talk to Leia soon?” 

     Rose smiled. “Sure, I’ll tell her that you want to talk to her. Get some rest in the meantime. Someone will wake you up when something exciting happens.” She smiled at Rey again, who nodded and lowered herself back to laying on the cot. 

     “Thank you, Rose,” Rey said right before she closed her eyes. 

     Rose only nodded and left the room. She left with even more doubt than she had when she went in. 

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

     When Ben woke up he was _murderous._ Where the hell was that guard? Ben had the need to see what the man would look like as the air left his body. 

_No, no,_ Ben thought to himself. He wasn’t that person anymore. He wasn’t Kylo Ren anymore, no matter how much the other people of this piece of junk ship thought he was. He would not kill anyone here. Maybe if he kept saying it to himself, he’d actually start believing it.He got up off of the ground slowly and looked around for anyone. He was alone. 

     As if she had heard him think that, the door opened to reveal his mother. Ben watched the pilot, Poe, stand at the entryway of the cargo hold, silently begging for Leia to let him come in with her. As if he could do anything to protect her if Ben decided to hurt her. Ben instinctually skimmed the surface and Poe’s mind and was taken aback by how much Poe loved Leia. She was a far more maternal figure to him than she had been been to Ben.

     “How was your rest?” Leia asked as she sat down on a box and motioned for Poe to close the door. 

     “Not as restful as you might think,” Ben answered her with a lightness that surprised them both. He rubbed his chest where the blaster had hit him and winced at the soreness that spread. “Shocking, indeed.”

     “That’s what happens when you don’t listen,” Leia said with a small smile. “I can’t send you to your room anymore, so stunning seems to be the way we’re going to have to go.” 

     “I remember you promising to let that mediocre pilot kill me if I stepped out of line,” Ben pushed with a smirk that looked so much like Han’s that it threatened to break Leia’s heart. There was a loud angry bang on the door and Leia couldn’t stifle the smile that spread across her face. 

     “Don’t be mean, Ben Solo,” Leia said without thinking. “Poe is sensitive.” 

     “It seems,” Ben muttered. He didn’t comment on the use of his actual name. It was a slip. He felt the regret pulse off of Leia the moment she had said it. 

     A tense silence filled the room. 

     “What was with the ship shaking, Kylo?” Leia asked. “I’ve never known your tantrums to constitute reckless suicidal tendencies.” 

     Ben shrugged in relief. They thought it was him that had shaken the ship. He didn’t really care what they thought of him. As long as they didn’t suspect the darkness in Rey. “I grew into it,” Ben said. That shocked Leia a little.

     “Are you suicidal?” Leia asked, with a touch of concern that she couldn’t hide. He was, after all, her blood. Even if he refused to act like it. 

     Ben shrugged. “I mean, I’ve never known a time that I minded dying. I wouldn’t say that I’m seconds away from jumping out of the air lock at this particular moment but give it a little time and it’ll come back to me.” Ben watched the muscles in Leia’s face tense. Truth was, he wasn’t really lying. 

     “It doesn’t have to be this way,” Leia said. 

     “And what way can it be, mother?” Ben asked curiously. “Will you order the Resistance to forgive me? Will you let me train Rey? Will you let me help you crush Hux? Or are you talking about dumping me somewhere where I can’t hurt anyone?” Ben was getting more and more angry with every word, but he stifled it. This was an opportunity to improve his situation. 

     “They might forgive you eventually, in their own time, and in their own way. No orders can change a person’s heart. You know that,” Leia said bluntly. “I’m concerned about Rey.”

     “Why?” Ben said suddenly concerned himself. Every part of him want to forgo waiting for his mother to clumsily tell him half truths aboutRey’s condition, and delve into his mother’s mind. He resisted the urge. 

     “She seem’s sick,” Leia explained. “She’s exhausted and will barely eat. Something happened to her didn’t it? Snoke did something to her.” Leia sat on the edge of the box and tried to read her son’s face. As far as she was concerned, Rey was the answer to the Resistance’s power issue. A Jedi helped the old Rebellion and a Jedi would help the Resistance. 

     Ben’s face softened. “It’s complicated. I need to see her,” Ben started to walk towards the door but was stopped by his mother’s hand on his arm. 

     “Not now. We’re stopping at one of my allies and getting supplies. You need to stay in here. For obvious security issues, and because if my allies see that I have Kylo Ren on board, they’ll never help us. Then we’re heading somewhere safe. I need you to promise me that you will cooperate for the rest of the journey. When we reach our final destination, you can see her. I promise.” 

     Ben towered over his mother. Had she always been this small? Had she always looked so fragile? Ben didn’t remember. “Where are we going?” Ben asked, sure he wasn’t going to receive a real answer. 

     Leia nodded her head and decided the truth was better than a lie. “We’re going to see your uncle.” Ben’s face fell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm blown away by everyone's lovely comments. Thank you all for reading, again! As always, feedback is always welcome and appreciated!


	5. Chapter Five

     When they landed on Takodana, the Resistance members rushed out of the Falcon as if it were on fire. Three whole days in the cramped, dirty vessel had everyone ready for some personal space and clean air. There had been a couple fights between the more exhausted members and everyone had started bickering with each other. A mixture of being low on rations, water, hygiene and hope had the entirety of the Resistance on a razor’s edge. 

     The Falcon was only on the lush, green planet for three hours, in which they loaded pounds and pounds of supplies in the cargo holds of the Falcon. All but two assisted with the effort. Inside one of these cargo hold’s sat Ben on the ground trying, in vain, to check on the Rey who lay asleep in the cargo hold across the Falcon. 

     As a Padawan, mediation had never come easy for Ben. He didn’t like to be in the quiet for too long with his own thoughts. It was uncomfortable. He had too much anger, and energy for that. The whispers would grow so loud that they were more like screams across his consciousness. Snoke had beaten that out of him though. Now, he fell into meditation frequently as it had become almost involuntary; like breathing. 

     Ben didn’t have to get into some ridiculous pose to mediate. He didn’t need quiet, or fresh air, or the thousands of other things Luke had tried to tell him he needed in order to focus. The conditions didn’t matter. Ben had learned to do it while flying a ship, half asleep from exhaustion and getting the shit beaten out of him. For three days now he’d sat on the cold steel floor with his back against the wall of the empty hold and just reached out for Rey. He had found that he could find her right away before she’d given into the Dark side. When he was on the _Supremacy,_ at night when he laid in his bed, exhausted and angry, he found himself finding her on instinct. Not like when they found each other through the force bond that Snoke claimed to have bridged between them. This was pure and without intention. She was bright and beautiful and her presence had always lulled Ben into as quiet a sleep as he was capable of having. 

     Now though, something was blocking her from him. It was frustrating and more than one box was thrown and two of the walls in the hold had huge dents from Ben’s fists as he let out his frustration at her absence. When he’d worn himself out, he’d try again, but the result would always be the same: a blank brick wall surrounding her. 

     It took two days for him to realize that the block was a sedative. She was being sedated, according to Ben’s calculations, every 6 hours. A half day ago, he’d managed to link with her. The edges of his mind touched the edges of hers and all he found was utter agony, fear, and violence. She was fighting the darkness violently. Ben saw her standing in the middle of her mind with dark circles under her eyes and blood running down her arms and face. Her hair was falling out of her three buns and the baby hairs were plastered to her face with sweat. She wore what he found her wearing on Takodana: the clothing of a scavenger just trying to survive. In her hand she held a lightsaber; Ben’s snarling beast of a lightsaber. It looked even more sinister and unstable in her hands. She swung it around at the familiar shadow circling around her like a mad woman. Her eyes were wild and scared. The pain in Ben’s mind built and built until it was unbearable for even him. He heard the echo of Rey’s painful scream as if she was in the room with him. Moments later a haze descended over him. He knew then that they were keeping her drugged until they could get her to Luke. He scanned the minds of several people and found that they believed that she was sick. They believed that Snoke, or Ben in several cases, had poisoned her mind. Ben laughed at the thought that Luke would know what to do with her at all. Luke’s solution to the darkness rising in Ben had been to kill him. He guessed his mother didn’t know that version of the story. 

     During their short stop on Takodana, a doctor came on board to check Rey out, to absolutely no avail. She was fine, the doctor had said. Nothing was physically wrong with her. “Then what is _happening_ with her?” Finn asked in a panic. He was closer to Rey than the doctor was. “We bring her out of sedation and she screams like she’s being burned from the inside. She thrashes and sobs.” His voice was desperate. 

     The doctor sighed. “Here,” the doctor said as he tapped Rey’s forehead. “It’s a fight in her mind.” The elderly non humanoid doctor said matter-of-factly. His strange accent created an air of mystery and fear in the room.

     “What can we do?” Poe asked without his usual bravado. Poe didn’t know Rey. That was true. But he knew how much Finn loved her, and he also knew what it felt like to have your mind violated by Kylo Ren. If only Leia would let him kill Kylo, like he’d suggested a day ago. Maybe with the man’s death, Rey’s torment would end. Leia had vehemently refused. 

     The doctor shrugged at Poe’s question and left the Falcon as quickly as he’d come. There was no helping her without the Force, it seemed. Finn watched the Doctor leave and snarled at his back. Rose rubbed his back soothingly and rested her forehead on his shoulder. This seemed to ground the former Stormtrooper enough to breath normally and stop shaking in anger. 

     “Luke will know what to do,” Poe said firmly and with conviction. Although he’d never met the man, he was sure that any relation to Leia would be just as capable in their field as she was in hers. 

     The trip to Ahch-To was far less cramped. Maz had been extremely generous in her donation. Every able bodied pilot, apart from Rey, Ben, and Leia, were in various ships flying around the Falcon on their way to Ahch-To. The Resistance had a fleet now, and everyone was more than relieved that Poe wasn’t sitting around on the Falcon lamenting that he hadn’t flown anything in _days._ The quiet was a welcome change. Chewy and Leia sat in the cockpit silently, each afraid to mention how both familiar and unfamiliar it was to both be here, but without Han. Rose diligently tended to Rey, wiping her forehead occasionally and administering the sedative when necessary. She’d promised Finn that she would do whatever she could for the girl when he’d reluctantly agreed to pilot one of the X-Wings Maz had donated. He was a much better pilot than Rose was. That paired with Rose’s belief that the boy needed some time away from sitting at Rey’s beside brooding made the situation more than ideal.

     Finding places to land the fleet on Ahch-To proved to be extremely difficult. It took hours to wedge ships between hills and mountains. They had to think about the tide, and the wind. It took forever, and by the time they were done, everyone was ready to sleep. 

     While her fleet was floundering with the logistics of the island, Leia walked up what felt like a million steps in the direction of her brother. She didn’t have to feel out with the Force to know that Luke was aware of them being there. The island wasn’t large enough for anything to be hidden on it, especially not a fleet of Resistance ships. 

     Leia found Luke standing in the middle of a small compound of huts. He simply stood and watched Leia approach him. “Hello, Leia,” Luke said without his normal warmness.

     “You are a hard man to get in contact with,” Leia said with a smile. She tried to hide that she was a little out of breath from the walk here. Getting old was tiresome in and of itself, and with her impromptu trip into open space, she found herself draining more quickly. 

     Luke shrugged. “Not hard enough it seems.” He held out his hand for her to take, and then led her to a bench outside of his hut. He remembered finding Rey sleeping there that night not so long ago. It had been so much different then. Rey had just been an annoyance then. A girl the Resistance sent to lure him away from seclusion. Now, he didn’t really know what she was. 

     “I have Ben,” Leia said quietly. “He’s on the Falcon.” She looked up at her brother and searched his face. 

     Luke nodded. “I know. I felt it when you broke the atmosphere. And Rey.” He said Rey’s name darkly. He could feel the fight in her. 

     “What have they done to her?” Leia asked quietly. “I’ve never seen anything like it.” 

     Luke’s eyebrows furrowed. Did his sister not feel the fight inside of Rey? “I need to see her.” He whispered. He stood up walked to the stairs without waiting to see if Leia was following him.

     The walk was long, but he walked as fast as he could. Minutes later he was in the midst of the broken and waning Resistance. People stopped what they were doing and watched him with curiosity and awe as he walked towards the Falcon. When Luke entered the cargo hold Rey lay in, his heart temporarily panged when he felt the conflict in her. 

     Even in her heavily sedated state, he could feel the pain in her mind. “Force,” he whispered like a curse. 

     “Can you help her?” Finn asked enthusiastically. He looked up at Luke as if Luke was holding the last cup of water on a desert planet. The boy was clutching Rey’s hand as well Roses hand for dear life. For someone who had never felt love before, Finn was obviously making up for it now. 

     “No,” Luke said truthfully. He turned around and stormed to the hold that Ben sat in while bristling with the knowledge that his uncle was so close. 

     Luke opened the heavy metal door with the Force, nearly knocking it off of its hinges, and definitely bending the metal of the wall behind it. 

     “Uncle,” Ben said without looking up at the man. If Luke couldn’t feel the hurricane of emotions rolling off of Ben, Luke would have thought by his voice that he was completely disinterested. Luke stood in front of him and stared down at his nephew as if Ben were a venomous snake coiling up to strike him.

     “Ben,” Luke demanded. “What happened to Rey? Why are _you_ even here?” 

     “Hmm,” Ben hummed like a taunt. “Which question would you like me to answer first?” Ben asked slowly with sarcasm dripping off of each word. “Or perhaps, should we have a little heart to heart about what happened the last time we spoke?” Ben looked up at Luke slowly now, challenging him. 

     “Which part? The part when you murdered children, or when you gave yourself over to the dark side?” Luke asked incredulously. 

     Ben fumed and stood up angrily. “How about the part when you tried to murder _me_!” He screamed so loud he knew the rest of the Falcon could hear it. “I was a child  myself and you tried to kill me over something I couldn’t control instead of helping me,” he spat.

     Luke stopped and peered at the red creeping up Ben’s neck. Ben was shaking with anger, and his nails were biting into his skin, a trick Luke could sense was something Ben had started doing to quell his anger. 

     “I’m not going to apologize for trying to stop you from killing everything I love,” Luke snarled. Heat radiated off of Luke. 

     “And here I was,” Ben laughed darkly, “thinking that you were supposed to love me.” He shook his head and leaned against the wall behind him. “I was only your nephew.” 

     Luke smirked. “I did love you.” 

     Ben snorted and shook his head in disbelief. 

     Luke waited for a couple seconds before he asked again. “What happened with Rey?” 

     “You can’t feel it?” Ben asked surprised. 

     “The darkness,” Luke offered. “I can feel she’s fighting it. How did she give herself to it? When? Why?” 

     Ben’s eyes darkened even more. Luke was almost blown backward by the anger coming off of Ben. “Snoke ordered me to kill Rey, instead I cut him in half with _your_ lightsaber. I asked Rey to join me in running the galaxy, she refused. We fought over your lightsaber, it exploded. Lights out,” Ben recited this as if he were reciting a grocery list his mother had given him. He’d lived those moments a million times since being sequestered in this room. He was almost bored with its retelling. “I woke up and Rey was force choking Hux because that traitor decided to try and kill me. Something in Rey snapped and she almost killed him. I stopped her.” A new darkness appeared in Ben’s eyes. One Luke couldn’t quite place. 

     “Were you fond of Hux?” Luke asked with his eyebrows raised. 

     Ben actually snorted. “I’d rather take a saber to the head than have a conversation with him.” 

     “I wasn’t aware there was a lot of talking involved…” Luke challenged with a playful taunting that seemed out of place on the old man. Insinuation hung thickly in the air.

     “Uncle, for Force’s sake. Shut the fuck up,” Ben snapped dangerously. 

     “Why else would you save him?” Luke asked just as fast. 

     Ben ran his hand through his hair. “She would never be able to live with herself if she were to kill him. Isn’t that obvious?” Ben pushed off of the wall and took a step closer to Luke. “If she would have killed that piece of shit, we’d never get her back. She’d be lost to the dark forever.” 

     “We’d?” Luke asked quietly. “Have you gone back to the light, Ben? Are you aligning yourself back with us?” Luke asked like he already knew the answer. 

     “I don’t know if that possible,” Ben said sadly. “I’ve done too much to come back to the light.” He sighed and rubbed his face. “She’s clean though. She can be saved.”

     “And you are going to have to be the one to save her,” Luke said shortly. “I can’t do it. I can’t get through to her. But you can. It has to be you. You alone.”

     “How am I supposed to do that?” Ben asked angrily. His eyes grew wide. “I couldn’t fight it myself, Luke. It would be like the blind leading the blind.” He flailed his arms angrily. “I need your help.” 

     “But she doesn’t have Snoke in her ear,” Luke insisted. 

     “Not anymore.” Ben shook his head. He stepped closer to Luke and tapped Luke’s temple. “But he’s been in there. The dark has been whispering shit in her ear her whole life and as soon as Snoke knew who she was, and what she was was, he was in her mind too. Playing games. Telling her things that weren’t true. Trying to get her to turn.” His eyes bore into Luke’s. “And then there was me. I was in her head too. Not playing games, exactly, but definitely not helping. I was trying to bring her to me. I was seducing her to the Dark side. And it appears to have worked. So now, I have to bring her back. Do you know how ludicrous this sounds?” He cried. His heart was beating hard and fast in his chest. He wanted Luke to leave him here in this cargo hold forever. 

     “Train her, Ben,” Luke said firmly. Train her and bring her back,” Luke poked Ben’s broad chest with his pointer finger. “Rid her of this pain and maybe, you will rid yourself of it too.” 

     Ben laughed. “Don’t act like you give a shit about my pain, Luke.” Ben spat his uncle’s name like venom. “You have no idea.” Ben turned around and walked a few steps away from Luke. The intensity in the room was boiling over. 

     “Show me then,” Luke insisted. “Show me your pain.” He almost hoped Ben would tell him to fuck off and forget Luke said anything. 

     Ben froze in his steps and turned around angrily. He considered refusing for a moment. That would have been the safe, smart thing to do. But, Ben never claimed to be a rational man. He advanced on Luke so quickly, the older man almost tripped backwards. Ben’s hands were on his temples immediately. 

     Luke gasped in pain and doubled over. There was a burning in his head. There were whispers in his mind. The darkness whispered heinous things. Terrible things. He felt the heart stopping pain in his chest when he felt how much Ben hated himself. How much he hated _everything_. There was so much pain. Luke wanted to throw up. He wanted to _die._

     “Stop,” Luke begged. At once, Ben’s fingers were away from his head. Ben and Luke jerked away form each other like they’d been electrocuted. 

     Ben leaned against the wall and breathed heavily. Sweat dripped down his face and his now clammy body felt weak. 

     “All the time?” Luke asked with enough grief in his voice to mourn every one of the Galaxy’s dead. The thought that this was always how Ben felt broke Luke’s heart in a way he wasn’t aware it could be broken. 

     “It’s nothing,” Ben said as he tried to regulate his voice. He needed to get some fresh air. He adjusted his shirt that had long since lost it’s belt, and ran his hand through his hair to try straighten it a bit.

     “No, Ben. It’s everything,” Luke breathed again. “Because,” he said as he calmed down. “Because through all of that unimaginable pain,” he sighed. “I saw love, Ben. I saw light.” 

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**Author's Note:**

> Comments are appreciated. Thanks so much for reading!


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